10 Tips to Enduring Your Child's Rainbow Loom

1) Break it to your kid early and often that you will not be wearing all the bracelets they gift you. Sure the first time it’s easy to react like you just got a blue box from Tiffany’s. But by the twentieth band your child expects the same reaction despite the fact they just made you one ten minutes ago.

2) Avoid YouTube-Lady-With-Long-Nails-No-Polish who does instructional videos without a child in sight. She has mastered the starburst, fishtail, triple single and more. But why is she playing with a Rainbow Loom? All by herself? For what appears to be for hours? YouTube-Lady-With-Long-Nails-No-Polish will make you sad.

3) There are never enough c-clips. There are always more rubber bands than clips. This is a conspiracy. It keeps you buying more and more bags of bands in order to have enough clips. It's like when a drug dealer gives a customer their first hit for free. That's how they hook ya. After the first bag of bands, you are just another sucker "chasing the dragon."

4) S-clips suck.

5) Starburst will drive you to the edge of sanity. You need a degree of some kind to get through a Starburst instructional video. And the fact that it's being conducted by Ashley a nine year old only makes things worse. 

6) Every time you successfully return a rainbow loom rubber band to its case you get chocolate, or a glass of wine. Because you will find them everywhere. Places you can't imagine. Bonus: Open up the vacuum cleaner and you'll hit the jackpot. Book yourself a Spa Trip for that one.

7) Rainbow Loom cases are essential. Without a case chaos will ensue. Of course the case should be included with the Rainbow Loom but it isn’t.  It’s a racket. (see #3)

8) Empower your child with a mantra for the moments they lose their mind over a rainbow looming error. I suggest, “Stop. Breathe. Try again.” or “If you don’t stop hyperventilating I am going to send you to your room and throw that Rainbow Loom out the window!” One works better than the other.

9) YouTube-Lady-With-Long-Nails-No-Polish really does have the easiest to follow videos. Watch her in small doses unless you need a good cry. French Manicure, maybe? Anyone? Anyone?

10) Just remember the hell we put Mom and Dad through with our craft projects. Hook Rugs? Shrinky Dinks? Chalk it up to the "cycle of life" or "circle of love" Whatever. And remember, "Stop. Breathe. Try again."

Racism, Homophobia, Misogyny: Five Reasons We Are Not A Post Racial; Post Anything Society

The transparency that Facebook,Twitter and YouTube provide gives us a rare view into the racism, misogyny and homophobia that use to take place behind closed doors.

Here is a sampling of the stories that I have seen posted online in the past few weeks.

1)  Dasha Zhukova the editor in chief of a magazine posed sitting on a chair designed to look like a black woman dressed as a dominatrix with her legs in the air and the seat strapped to her backside. The image makes me sick.

2) Dr. Essay Anne Vanderbilt killed herself after a journalist Caleb Hannan exposed her as a transgender person in a article despite Vanderbilt's urging that Hannan keep it private.

3)Michael Douglas was widely criticized for using the word "mincing" in his acceptance speech for Best Actor at Golden Globes. He played Liberace and described his concern that he was perceived as "mincing'" by his director in a previous project. Instead of correcting his error in his SAG award acceptance speech he went on to make jokes about who was "on top" and "two handers" What an asshole and what a careless disregard for the feelings of others.

4) Madonna called her son the N-word on Instagram. After some backlash she proceeded to  apologize to anyone she offended and referred to the N-word as a "term of endearment"for her white son. She has two black adopted children. Isn't that adorable?

5)The U.S. Skating Committee chose fourth place U.S. Nationals skater Ashley Wagner (white, blonde hair, blue eyes) over the third place winner Mirai Nagasu (Asian-American) for the Olympic team. Wagner, 22 has the opportunitiy to compete at other Olympics.  The average age of an Olympic Skater is early twenties. At 29, Mirai may not have another chance. She earned it. Wagner didn't.

A few more:

On the CBS show "How I Met Your Mother" the actors appeared in yellowface. Now that's comedy.

This article about the casting of Sasheer Zamata (SNL's first black female since 2007)  is prejudicial gobbledygook.

Jared Leto a straight, male actor is winning awards left and right for portraying a transgender character. Why wasn't a transgender actor cast in the role? Here are some suggestions Alexandra Billings, Alexis Arquette, Laverne Cox


These examples are just the tip of the iceberg. If people in the public eye are willing to be careless with their words and actions just imagine what people who aren't in the limelight think and feel. Racism, sexism, prejudice run deep. This culture is in the thick of it.

I have two choices. I could avoid all media or I can use my Facebook page and blog to share these stories in hopes to illuminate and remind people we have a long way to go.

Five Reasons Why Beyonce is A Robot

I suspect Beyonce is a robot. Entertainer, entrepreneur, wife, mother, Sasha Fierce. She is able to accomplish things on stage and off that mere humans can only fathom in their dreams. 

Here are the top five reasons why Beyonce is a Robot:

1)The Show Never Stops.

Her weave got stuck in a fan during a concert but Ms. Carter kept on singin'.

A fan pulled her into the crowd during a concert and Diva kept on singin'.

She toppled over like a tree on stage but Bootylicious kept on singin'.

2)Nobody is that Beautiful.

Girlfriend hacked off her weave but still her beauty is like the sun. 

3)Nobody is that Rich.

Her and hubby Jay Z-izzle made ninety five millions dollars last year. 

4)She had the perfect comeback.

When controversy broke out after she lip synced the National Anthem at Obama's inauguration Destiny's Child sang the same song acapella at a Superbowl press conference. Only a team of programming geniuses could come up with a bitch slap like that.

5)There is more than one Beyonce.

It's not technical wizardry that allowed Beyonce to dance with former versions of herself in that Pepsi commercial. Those other "versions" are robots. 

Beyonces

Can you think of any other reasons why she is a robot? We can prove this together. Please share your thoughts. 

Magic Tricks

My daughters love music. I have introduced them to my favorite Broadway show soundtracks and thanks to their older siblings they are up on the current music teenagers have on their iPods. There is nothing quite like hearing my three year old sing the lyric, "I crash my car into the bridge! I don't care!" at the top of her little lungs.

Sunday night I was driving home with the girls in the back seat. We had on the pop station their big siblings request whenever they are in the car. One of their favorite songs came on and they asked me to raise the volume. I hit the plus button on my steering wheel and the music got louder.

"How did you do that?" my six year old asked.
I almost started to explain the logistics of what I had done but then I decided to go in another direction."It's magic." I told her.
"Are you serious?" she asked.
"Yup."
"Do it again!"
"See." I waved my hand up while I turned the volume up more, then waved my hand in the opposite direction while I turned the volume down. I repeated the moves alternately while the girls squealed with delight.
"That is so awesome!"

My heart was exploding. The girls were fully convinced there was magic taking place. It reminded me of the moment in the play Peter Pan when Peter turns to the audience and asks them, "Do you believe in fairies?" then begs that they applaud in order to revive Tinkerbell. The children in those audiences believe it is their applause that brings Tinkerbell back to life.

As much as I loved that they were so easily convinced I felt a pang of guilt for misleading them. Eventually, I explained that I was pushing a button on the wheel in order to control the volume. They weren't disappointed. In fact, I think they admired that I took them on that ride.

When we got home I showed the girls the button on the wheel. They both wanted to "control" the music by waving their hand and I obliged by pushing the buttons up or down. Knowing that they were creating the magic seemed to be just as thrilling as believing it was real.

There is magic all around us if only we believe.

Cancer, Friendship and a Legacy

Most actors can relate to the saying, "Book a vacation, book a job." I recently stayed behind on my family vacation in order to shoot a national commercial. It's a great opportunity and my husband and I agreed it was worth me missing the first few days of our trip and catching up with them down the line.

I have been away from my kids only one other time when I flew to NY on a three day restorative visit with friends. That trip seemed to be based in survival. I am fortunate that I get to spend a good deal of time with my girls because my schedule is flexible. Sometimes that time can become a bit consuming and a break is needed in order for me to restore some sanity and autonomy.

There was something about the girls leaving me that left me feeling quite raw and vulnerable. The idea that they would be off in unfamiliar territory without me to guide and protect them caused me great discomfort. Although my husband and their older siblings (my step kids Thomas and Nora) are perfectly capable of caring for them I felt helpless.

The night before they left as I finished packing their bags I got a dizzying view into what my friend Carrie must have felt ten fold before she passed away recently. Carrie is a woman I had the pleasure of knowing all too briefly. Her daughter Francesca played my daughter in a play. I got to know Carrie as she shared her daughter, her strong spirit and her diagnosis of stage four cancer.

You'd never know Carrie was sick. She always looked great, had the most positive attitude I've ever encountered and the sheer energy and joy in Francesca was testimony to what a wonderful woman she was.

Six months after I met Carrie she was gone. We'd kept in touch after the play closed. Francesca and my girls had play dates. Carrie and I e-mailed and even weeks before she died, she was curious about my life and determined that we meet for coffee so she could learn more.

In a status update on Carrie's page after she passed a friend listed some of Carrie's last requests. In lieu of flowers she asked that we offer gift cards to local restaurants and services. She specified which restaurants; the kids favorites. She requested certificates to Peapod and a pre-made meals company. She thought about feeding her family even after she was gone.

She asked that donations be made anonymously so that her dear husband Stefano wasn't overwhelmed with having to write thank you cards. Stefano is the just the kind of man who would spent his time writing one to every single person.

As I packed and worried about the couple of days I'd be away from the girls my heart ached for Carrie.  It pained me to think how she felt knowing she was going to have to leave her children as they continued their lives in unfamiliar territory without her their to guide and protect. How brave she was to look the reality in the eye and plan for them.

The same thought led me to think about mothers and fathers in the military who face the unknown in relation to their families on a regular basis.

I am grateful to have known Carrie and I am grateful to those parents in the military.

I am awe struck by their bravery.

For volunteer opportunities to aid Military Families:

http://www.militaryfamily.org/get-involved/volunteer/

Kerry Washington: Scandal, Love and Hate

I have been catching up on ABC's Scandal.

Scandal is about Olivia Pope, the head of a crisis management company in Washington who happens to be having an affair with the married President of the United States.

All sorts of other stuff happens but back to the affair. Olivia is black. The President is white.
I. Can't. Stop.Watching. On Facebook a friend posted,"Black women hate adultery except for Thursdays at 9 pm."

As a married black woman who is also an actress I struggle with my investment in the doomed affair between Olivia Pope (played by"it" girl Kerry Washington) and the President (Tony Goldwyn).

Actress Kerry Washington

Shonda Rhimes Scandal's creator has broken ground by creating the first black female lead character on a network TV drama since 1974. Despite the history she has made I think she is sending a mixed message.

Olivia Pope is educated, runs her own company, is powerful, beautiful, smart, fashionable.

She is also locked in a dysfunctional disaster of an affair. 

Her white lover; the President is often mean to her, downright verbally abusive and treats her like a sex object. He is often just shy of forcing himself on her. She dissolves into tears after most of their encounters and her "man" has never so much as given her a petal of a flower or a piece of chocolate. 

The Prez summons her and she comes running, then she says, "I am not yours. I don't show up places because you want me.." Olivia, yes you do, Girl.

Their relationship makes me uncomfortable and even though I enjoy Kerry Washington and Tony Goldwyn's palpable chemistry it bothers me that her character is treated like crap. Sadly, I am so darn happy to see a black actress playing something other than the "sassy black woman" I am complicit.

I think if Olivia Pope were white the affair as it stands would not be tolerated on a cultural level.

When Millie (the First Lady who knows about the affair) and Olivia Pope engage in one of their many steely stare offs there is the sense that Olivia is losing. Ultimately, in their high stakes political world the odds (in part because of her skin color) are against her. 

If a white mistress and Millie had the same stare off the white mistress would seem like more of a viable threat. If the mistress is more of a viable threat maybe I as well as other viewers wouldn't be wanting the affair to continue because oh yeah, affairs suck. 

Some critics can't get over that Olivia Pope is black and the President of the United States is white. They can't believe that Olivia Pope is almost never referred to as a black woman. Although race is not referenced I think it plays an integral if not insidious role in how the relationship between Olivia and the President is perceived. The "mistreated black woman" is familiar. We have seen her before.

I know I am raining on the Scandal parade. At the same time I'm getting drenched because I am hooked. The show is fast paced, has exciting story lines and surprises.

Still, I have a nagging feeling that there is something other than the affair that is fundamentally wrong and should not be applauded. I wonder if Kerry Washington who has been cast in the role of a lifetime struggles internally with the portrayal.

Shonda Rhimes has simultaneously broken new ground while inadvertently setting Scandal on much traversed ground. I hope she allows Olivia Pope to gain some equal footing with her lover.

Or I. Will. Have to. Stop. Watching.

Lena Dunham Is Not The Problem

XFINITY offered a Watch-a-thon last week in order to lure more subscribers to the zillions of channels they offer. I grabbed the opportunity and watched the current zeitgeist offering HBO's Girls.

The cast of HBO's Girls

Starring writer-producer-director Lena Dunham, Girls is a polarizing hit about four twentysomething women surviving in New York City.

Dunham has been lambasted in the press for the lack of diversity in her cast.

I hated the show based on one blog post addressing the issue.

As a black woman who is also an actress and a writer I am wary of shows that aren't inclusive because it is a flagrant reminder of the limited opportunities for minorities in the industry. It can also be (believe it or not) quite boring to only see white faces on the screen.

After actually viewing both seasons of Girls (in a five day marathon) I have no problem with the lack of diversity.

The show is absolutely a representation of a myriad of young people who aren't exposed to anyone different than themselves. If they are exposed to people outside their ethnicity they still aren't in the forefront of their lives.

People segregate in desegregated contexts all the time. We aren't allowed to do it in the workplace or school but share a meal together ie a school cafeteria or a break room and observe the racial divide.

Dunham is a great writer with a precise story to tell. I think she is on her way to setting the audience up for something far more shocking than the graphic sex scenes.

The exploration of rootlessness, roommate hopping, drug use, self involvement, break ups and the loss of friendship is relatable regardless of the characters' skin color.

In Season Two, Dunham made an effort to satisfy critics of the lack of diversity by giving Hannah Horvath (her character) a black boyfriend. A true auteur, Dunham flipped the audience's expectations by making him a Republican.

Within two episodes, the black boyfriend is out of the picture due to their political differences and his criticism of her writing. Hannah Horvath resorts back to her all white world save a few minority extras in the background.

Was it really Lena Dunham's job to portray a black character?

The problem isn't that Lena Dunham isn't writing for people of color. The problem is that there aren't enough writer's of color in the entertainment industry.

According to the 2013 Writer's Guild TV Staff Diversity Report minority writers have doubled their share of TV Staff Employment since 1999-2000 but remain severely underrepresented by a factor or more than 2 to 1 employment.

When a minority does have the opportunity to helm a show hiring other minorities is crucial.

Noreen Malone of the New Republic suggests, "There tend to be two ways that people react to having a minority and an underdog in a situation like that. One is to give a few breaks to up-and-comers with a mind to changing the status quo and making things a bit easier for people who come afterwards. The other is to think, I earned it, why can't they if they're really good?"

The fate of minority representation on television is grim if the latter explanation is true.

As the poet Alice Walkers says,  "Each one must pull one." 

If writers of color (and women, people with disabilities, LGBT) wait around for the industry to change the status quo it could be a long time before there is proper representation in programming. 

For example, over the last decade the rate of female representation went up a mere five percent. According to Jonathan Handel of The Hollywood Reporter it is " a rate of increase so sluggish that parity to men won't be achieved for another 42 years unless faster progress is made."

In the meantime minorities must make the strides. 

Shonda Rhimes the prolific creator of Grey's Anatomy has created characters all all ethnicities in her three ABC shows (Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and Scandal).

She is a black woman in a position of power who integrates her experience and point of view into her storytelling. According to the Writer's Guild Staffing Brief her shows have minority writers.

I am available to write for any of Ms. Rhimes' shows.

I also have an idea for a pilot...